"If one hope is all you have, you already have more than most."

I've been thinking lately about the new new year and all the things that I'm going to do to make it better than this year. I'm going to learn more, eat healthier, be patient, explore, travel, and work on those occasional swears that still slip out when I'm frustrated( hence the be patient) I've given up all sorts of vices over the past two years you'd think that it would be easier... As I am busy looking ahead I had to take a moment to look back over this year and give thanks for ALL of the amazing support I have been given and for the unbelievable blessings that have been rained down on my head. In those moments of pure and complete desolation, despair, and grief, I never would have thought that getting a divorce would be the thing that set me free and gave me direction. No, I'm not crazy, I just have hope, and clarity, a wonderment of peace has been given to my life. I look forward to the next chapter and know that as I continue on this path I will be blessed with all I need and surrounded with people who have my best interest in mind. 2012 I welcome you and hope that I never forget the blessings of 2011.


I love stormy, drizzling days just before autum hits the year full on. It fills me with the anticipation of a new year. I can almost see the fireworks and the countdown clocks,feel the hope and resolve in my heart to make a better life, be a better person and to solve last year's misdeeds. I have an unprecidented desire to star anew and to move into a new time of my life. I have been dreaming of  January 1st 2012. Oh, what a deliciously comforting day that will be...i just know it! It's time now, and I can feel it I'm ready to dream again-



moments when what i'm feeling is so big, i wonder how i manage to breathe.when, the lonliness is so deep i could drown
my heart begins to race and my eyes burn with the unshed tears.
 oh, that i could close my heart and not know this pain
my life it seems is destined to teach me loss
i am strong, i can survive, i am here.
to love another against all self doubt; was a task i'd never thought to learn
my heart slows
tears run dry
the days and weeks continue
i would that my heart wasn't broken
but it is and still i am here
my Lord and my life is what moves me beyond
i can forgive, and with my faith i'll leave doubting behind.


Summer lovin'

i love waking up late on the weekends and eating cereal for lunch.

i love spontaneous water fights.

i love knowing i was raised strong and can rise above my hardships.

i love ridiculous oversized sunglasses.

 i love that my brother moved home and i can see him when i want.

 i love the ability to work and earn my living.

 i love to snuggle in bed with my mum and have long chats.

i love to chew blue trident gum and think happy thoughts of my gram.

 i love the sound of kids playing in the sprinklers.

i love popsicles...ok, ok just the purple ones.

i love summer driving at nite with the windows rolled down

i love giggling with my pop about silly, silly things.

i love chillin with momo and watching our shows.

 i love sharing my netflix account with that girl in cali...even if she watches animae.

i love new beginnings.

i love my family.

 i love thursday s( or as i call them office supply love day).

i love reading on the backportch as the sun goes down.

i love when my ipod gets stuck on maroon 5.

i love that my Gbaby knows the people on jersey shore personally (she thinks).

i love Summer.

i love that my biggest brother serves our country proudly.

i love that i'm "aunt b" to 8 of the cutest neices and nephews ever!

i love counting my blessings in such a fun way.

i love The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.



If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.- Henry David Thoreau

Man I sure hope so.


We can.

It seems that through all the changes in my life recently, I have reawakened my writing bug. So far so good, it's nice to have this creative outlet back. I dedicate this particular piece to all my family who have served and are serving still our beautiful country. Thank you for giving of yourselves to protect and serve this place we call home, and thanks to those who stayed home and supported them in their call to serve.

We can.

When we've gathered to the church in spring,

then sat on a porch in summer.

Gone rolling round the leaves of autum,

and placed the star atop a christmas tree.

We do because we can,
we can, because we're FREE.

The price was high and the soldiers did go,

alone and fierce they kept the foes away.

This land is home and our home we love,

but our peace does not come easy.

Sacrifice required of all who hear the call to arms.

They know the danger, know the strife.

Yet chose to go, so we all might stay,

never seeing the other way.

Green, the gentle spring goes orange at heat of summer.

Drifting, red leaves from fall go out upon the deafening whites of winter.

Gone and gone again, going on before.

We live because we can
and we can because we're FREE.

Our home is here and here we love.

In peace at home we'll keep.


A safe passage

I once was small and though it seems I've grown, things change.

Where it was grey, the sun now shines... clear, bright and warm.

A quiet fall day when two were one, turns to spring and nothing.

Broken pieces mend and shift, becoming something new.

Colors brighten and your smile returns, a lost friend reunited.

The focus shifts and when you notice least, things resolve.

Long abandoned, dreams grow and flourish.

Long ignored, truth's restored.

Long loved, people strenghten.

There comes a time in life when nothing turns out right,

you reach out for something and find only yourself.

People leave, dreams evolve and then you live.